New Women’s Soccer League Formed
SAN JOSE, CA -- After two plus years of waiting for elite women’s
soccer to come back to the United States, the wait is over and a new hope has emerged
(no… we are not talking about the WPS). On January 13, 2009, Commissioner
Jeff Leightman officially announced a new women’s soccer league to the
media. At the news conference (in which no one showed up), Leightman
unveiled the new league, named SPL or Spartan Premier League. News of
this announcement shocked the soccer world as many die-hard WUSA and women’s
soccer fans around the world gasped in surprise. The league office has
been flooded with phone calls from rabid fans wanting to purchase season
tickets (not true) to the league as well as the coveted Inaugural Match on
Monday, February 23, 2009. In fact, a line has already begun forming
outside the league office (Alan B. Simpkins Intercollegiate Athletic
Administration Building) in anticipation of the sale of tickets to the
Inaugural Match (also false). Tickets will go on sale this Friday.
In the news conference,
Leightman announced that there will be two franchises in the league this season
with the possibility of expansion to new cities in the future. Each team
will have a salary cap of $50 million. The inaugural draft will be held
at the league office on Wednesday, February 11th. The undisclosed
corporate owners of the two franchises are still looking for two valiant
members of San Jose State Women's Soccer to be hand-picked to serve as team presidents
of each of the two teams. Each will have a difficult road ahead in assembling
their franchise staffs and scout staffs to prepare for February’s player
combine and draft, and evaluating the plethora of talent available for
selection. In the future, the first pick in the draft will be awarded in
a coin flip ceremony. Franchise names and logos will be announced by the
league shortly.
“We are incredibly pleased to be launching the Spartan
Premier League at this time,” Commissioner Jeff “Why am I wearing this parka
when it is 110 degrees?” Leightman said.
“We will have a first class league with world-class players. We will be expecting sell-out crowds at our
matches as well as the top corporate sponsors to support the league.”
In other announcements, Craig “The
Hammer” Winans was named Associate Commissioner and Executive Vice President
for Discipline. Winans has a long history of bringing the hammer down on
unruly players.
“I
run a tight ship,” said Winans. “I will
not tolerate any shenanigans!”
Ivan “I’m too sexy for these sunglasses” Bandov was
named Executive Vice President for Merchandising and Colin “I have tats and a
Harley” Corstorphine was promoted to Executive Vice President for Marketing and
Development.
Bandov unveiled his ideas, “As you can see with my chicness, don’t be jealous, I plan on bringing a new style
to SPL. Kids all around will be running to
the stores to buy SPL gear in my design.”
Corstorphine also commented on Bandov’s plans,
“You have got to be kidding!!! Those are
women’s sunglasses!!!”
Leightman has stated that
further announcements, league schedule, rosters, etc. will be forthcoming.
Jeff
“Which coast is this again?” Leightman
Commissioner
SPL
Spartan Premier League
http://www.sjsu.edu/faculty/jeff.leightman/spl.htm
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