Monecia Lytle

English 112B

Annotated Bibliographies

How to Handle the Pain of Grief

When a loved one dies young adults tend to handle grief much differently than adults. Adults are usually comforted and get support from friends or loved ones, but young adults end-up being left alone to deal with their grief and to grieve alone. Adults do not realize that the teenager�s life has also been turned up-side down and shattered by pain and grief. Young adults may feel that no one cares, as a result; they become self destructive turn to alcohol, drugs, or to suicide as a means to escape their pain or anger.

Grief is like a disease that you must overcome in order to heal. According to Dr. Jennifer Hagman, Medical Director, Inpatient Psychiatry Children�s Hospital President the stages of grief, Denial, Anger, Guilt, Sadness, and Resolution may be experienced in different ways as time passes. Normal emotional and physical responses to severe stress will vary in intensity and may include: anxiety, loss of interest (apathy), sadness, nightmares, intrusive images, feeling overwhelmed, and a feeling of numbness, headaches, changes in sleep and appetite, and diarrhea. These and other symptoms should decrease over a period of weeks. Teens should be encouraged to continue their daily routine of school work, activities, and time with friends and family. Parents and friends should become concerned and seek help if the teenager remains withdrawn and refuses to talk, expresses any thoughts of self harm or harm to others. Copyright American Academy of Pediatrics

After the death of a loved one it is vitally important for a teen to get grief counseling. The loss of a loved one is very painful and young adults tend to bury their feeling. They need to talk to someone so they can express the anger and the pain they are feeling. They need to know there are support groups where they can get support and talk about their pain and grief so they can heal. The teens need to be able to acknowledge and understand that it is normal to feel angry after losing a loved one. They may feel guilty and need to express why they feel guilty. They may think they could have prevented the death and need to know it was not their fault or there was nothing they could have done to prevent it. They may have said unkind words to the person who died and feel guilty because they did not say sorry. They may have been absence from the home when the loved one died and feel angry because they did not have a chance to say good-bye. Regardless of the circumstances the young adults have for grieving they need to get professional help so they can accept the fact that their life has been changed forever and they must continue to live for themselves, family members, and friends.

This is a quote from Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt. �Grief is complex. It will vary from teen to teen. Caring adults need to communicate to children that this feeling is not one to be ashamed of or hide. Instead, grief is a natural expression of love for the person who died.�

The books I have listed in the annotated bibliography section include books for young adults who have lost a loved one and how the teens survived their pain. The literature in these books relate to a variety of topics dealing with death. The annotated bibliography consists of Contemporary Realistic Fiction, Non-Fiction, and Self Help books. Young adult may find the books helpful, because they may relate to a specific situation they are experiencing or have experienced.

Annotated Bibliographies

Albom, Mitch. Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, A Young Man and Life�s Greatest Lesson. New York: Doubleday, 1997.

This is a story about Professor Morrie Schwartz recounting what it feels like to die from a disease which attacks the neurological system called Lou Gehrig�s disease. Morrie describes the symptoms of his terminal illness to his former student and author Mitch Albom. Morrie expresses the anger he felt after learning of his disease, the pain of the disease he feels, and how he finally accepts the fact that he will die. This is a good book for teens to read if they have a loved one dying of a terminal illness. They can learn how to help themselves and prepare for the death. They can help a friend who is grieving for a loved one dying of a terminal illness.

Blume, Judy. Tiger Eyes. New York: Simon & Schuster Children�s Publishing, 1982. This is a story about a 15-year-old girl named Davey, whose life changes after her father is murdered. Davey�s life is suddenly turned up-side down, when her family has to relocate to New Mexico to live with her Aunt Bitsy and her Uncle Walter. Davey has to learn to adapt to her new life style and she learns it is alright to grieve the loss of her father. This book addresses the issues a teen has to face when a great change must occur in their family�s living conditions, due to the death of a parent. Teens need to read this book because they may be living with an extended family and are having difficulty adapting to that family. Teens may also relate to the fact that Davey does not feel comfortable talking about her father being murdered.

Deaver, Julie. R. Say Goodnight, Grace. New York: Harper& Row, 1988. Morgan is a 17-year-old girl, who loses her best friend Jimmy in a tragic car accident. Morgan and Jimmy have known each other since childhood. They grow up together and decide to go to Chicago to join the theater scene. Now Morgan has to learn to cope with the sudden death of her best friend. This book can help a teen whose has lost a friend. The teen may relate to Morgan�s stress and her feeling lonesomeness after losing her friend in a car accident.

Donnelly, Jennifer. A Northern Light. Orlando: Harcourt, 2004. The story takes place in 1906. Mattie Gokey is a 16-year-old who loses her mother. Afterwards she is faced with the decision of staying home to take care of her father and three younger sisters or to go away to college to become a writer. Against her father and boyfriend�s wishes she takes a job at summer resort, where she becomes friends with a guest. The guest mysteriously dies and Mattie discovers the truth behind the death is murder. The death of a guest gives her courage to stand-up to her father and to go to college in New York to live her own life. htt://www.jenniferdonnelly.com/n/_story.htm Retrieved 3/12/2007

This book is helpful because it shows that after losing a parent it is possible to work through the grief and to continue to live.

Fitzgerald, Helen. The Grieving Teen: A Guide for Teenagers and Their Friends. New York: Simon

& Schuster, 2000. From Library Journal

The Grieving Teen is written specifically for teenagers. Fitzgerald, an expert in grief counseling and communicates the issues clearly without oversimplifying or resorting to �teenspeak.� Chapters consist of typical questions that young adults may have about grief, followed by a �What You Can Do� section. The topics covered include such contemporary issues as death from AIDS, posttraumatic stress disorder, and Internet support. Fitzgerald provides many real-life experiences and a true sensitivity to differing religious and cultural practices.

Teens, who have lost a loved one, need this book to help them deal with any type of suffering caused by grief. They may find the answers to help lessen their pain. They may have a friend who needs help.

Grollman, Earl. A. Straight Talk about Death for Teenagers: How to Cope with Losing Someone

You Love. Boston: Beacon Press, 2001.

This is a great book for helping teens cope with their loss of a loved one, a close friend, or a family member. The book is written with short, easy to read sentences and paragraphs. The chapters are organized in useful topics like �suicide�, �loss of a friend�, �long term illness��so the reader can locate those areas that pertain to their own situation.

Review written by: J. Garrison �jamirae� (Peoria, AZ United States)

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-reviews/0807025011/ref=cm_cr_dp_pt/102 Retrieved 3/12/2007

This book is very helpful to a teen because it can answer the many questions they may have concerning the loss of a loved one.

Guest, Judith. Ordinary People. New York: Penguin Books, 1982.

The book is about an ordinary family named Jarret. The story is about the pain and grief the family suffers after the death of the oldest son Jordan. Jordan and Conrad go fishing. A bad storm occurs, the boat capsizes and Jordan drowns. The mother, Beth, is a perfectionist who never demonstrates her grief she is in complete denial of her loss. The father, Calvin, suffers silently he keeps his mind occupied with work at the office. Conrad the youngest son becomes so full of grief he has a nervous breakdown and commits suicide. Conrad is hospitalized. After he returns home he discovers that neither he nor his family�s feelings of grief have lessened. Teens need to read this book because they may be suffering with the grief of losing a sibling, or know someone who is dealing the lost of a sibling. Teens need understand how a family can be destroyed by grief. They can see how grief affects each family member in this book. They could be experiencing the same type of grief as one of the people in the story. They can learn how seeking professional help can help them deal with the loss of a loved one.

Hagman, Jennifer MD. �Stages of Teen Grief. Copyright American Academy of Pediatrics�.

Colorado: 2007.

Discusses the stages teens go through after the death of a loved one.

http://www.aap./org/advocacy/releases/griefcol.htm Retrieved 3/26/07

Lowry, Lois. A Summer to Die. New York: Dell, 1977. The story is told by 13-year-old Meg, the younger sister, who believes she is less beautiful than her older sister Molly. Meg envies Molly because she is pretty, popular, and a cheerleader. During the summer they go to the country so their father can have peace and quiet to write a book. Molly develops nose bleeds and is taken to the hospital. Molly is diagnosed with a type of leukemia. Meg�s parents were hoping a medicine would cure Molly, so they do not tell Meg the seriousness of the disease. Molly never comes home. Teens need to read this story so they can see how a family deals with death of a child dying from a terminal illness. They may be dealing with the loss of a sibling, or know someone who is suffering with the loss of a sibling.

Mahy, Margaret. Memory. Dent, 1988. The story is about 19-year-old Jonny Dart who has trouble remembering the details of his sister Janine�s death, which happened life five years ago. He keeps remembering she fell off a cliff. What he does not know is could he have saved her or was he responsible. He searches for their friend Bonny, who witnessed the incident, in order to ease his guilt and to learn the truth. In his search, he encounters Sophie West, an elderly woman suffering with Alzheimer; he moves into her home to care for her, he then learns the true meaning of both memory and loss. This is a good book for a teen to read, who feels responsible for the death of a loved one. They can learn that by helping an elderly person they are helping themselves to heal.

Sebold, Alice. The Lovely Bones. Boston: Little, Brown, 2002. The Lovely Bones is a novel told from the perspective of Susie Salmon, a fourteen year old girl who is raped and killed. Susie watches from heaven as her parent�s relationship falls apart, her siblings become emotionally introverted, and life continues without her in it. The story looks at the emotional effects of such a violent crime on her family as well as how much Susie herself missed out on because of this tragic event. Book talk handout by Cianciarulo, Stephanie. Class presentation for Eng. 112B: April 4, 2007. Teens need to read this book because they may have lost a loved one due to murder and their family may be going through tragic changes, similar to those in this family.

Sweeney, Joyce. The Spirit Window. New York: Delacorte Press, 1998.

Miranda is a fifteen year old girl, who goes to Florida with her parents to see her Grandmother Lila, who recently suffered a heart attack. Miranda�s father, Richard has not spoken to his mother in ten years because she discovered that he had planned to sell her precious land after her death. When Grandmother Lila dies, she wills her estate to Adam an eighteen year old half Cherokee boy. Richard devises a plot to get rid of Adam. This causes the relationship between Miranda and her father to deteriorate because of greed. The reasons teens need to read this book is so they can see how money and greed can cause the destruction of family.

Wolfelt, Alan D. Dr. �Helping Teenagers Cope with Grief�. Hospice: Colorado, 2007.

The article discusses how to help grieving teens and where to get help for them.

http://parentingteens.about.com/gi/offsite.htm Retrieved 3/30/07