Ask an Expert

August 2016

My significant other wants me to talk dirty in bed, but I don't really know how. How do you "talk dirty?"

First thing's first-do you want to talk dirty? If the answer is no, make sure you tell your significant other (S.O. for short) that you're just not willing to do that. They should respect your decision. If the answer is yes, continue reading. Be forewarned, there is some sexy language used below in the examples.

Talking dirty during sexytime can be a lot of fun, but sometimes it's a little nerve-wracking if you've never done it before. It can feel unnatural and when that happens it takes you out of the moment. Luckily, if you're willing to try, there's a fairly simple formula for talking dirty when you're under the sheets. Yup, that's right- there's actually a formula for dirty talk! Who knew?! The formula and examples are below.

      • Tell your S.O. what you're going to/with them. 
        Ex: I'm going to slide my hands under your shirt.

      • Tell your S.O. what you are doing to/with them at that moment.
        Ex: I'm riding you so hard right now.

      • Tell your S.O. what you just did to/with them.
        Ex: I just got so turned on touching you like that.

You might not want to use all three of these in order. Mix it up and use different phrases to mirror your actions. You can continue with variations on the formula. You're already doing sexy things. Now, all you have to do is say it out loud and with confidence. Here are a few more tips that can help spice things up.

      • Give directions. Tell your S.O. what feels good, where to touch, and what to do. Use the words you feel most comfortable using. There's no need to use slang if you don't want to.

      • Compliment your partner. Make sure your S.O. knows that they are appreciated. Tell your S.O. how great something they're doing feels. Even a small compliment can help make sure they keep doing what they're doing!

Remember, before you start the dirty talk you need to keep in mind the most important part of any sexual experience: CONSENT. Make sure you have consent to each sexual activity. You should never be pressured into doing something you don't want to. Consent, at its best, means getting a verbal, enthusiastic, YES! And remember, people can change their mind at any time. For more on consent and what it is, watch the video: Consent is like Tea

If you have any questions about this post or to submit questions, contact Liz Romero at liz.romero@sjsu.edu