IPDV: Definitions

Spartans for Safety - Intimate Partner and Domestic Violence


Consent is sexy, and should be the first thing done with the mouth. Both parties should be able to comprehend the situation. It should be an option for both parties, which means both should negotiate and be comfortable with what occurs. Both parties MUST be sober to consent. Both parties should be willing to engage in the act, and neither should be forced. The act should be nonviolent, and both parties should talk about sexual activities before engaging in them.

C- Comprehension that the act is taking place
O-Optional for both parties
N-Negotiation between both parties
S-Sobriety -- Cannot legally give consent if under the age of 18 or under the influence of drugs or alcohol (In California)
E-Engagement in the act
T-Talk about it

Consent means:

  • Every person has a right to personal sovereignty.
  • Consent means that you can't make assumptions about what your partner does or does not want.
  • Absence of clear communication means that there is no permission to touch someone else. Absence of clear communication does not mean consent is being given.
  • No means no, but silence also means no. Silence and passivity do not equal consent. Consent to one form of sexual activity does not automatically imply consent to other forms of sexual activity.
  • While engaging in sexual activity, one person can change their mind and withdraw consent at any time, as long as that withdrawal is clearly communicated by the person withdrawing it

Circumstances in which consent is given, but it is not valid are:

  • Consent would be invalid when coerced, intimidated, threatened, forced, or when given by a mentally or physically incapacitated person (including an intoxicated person), or a minor.
  • When one person withdraws (stops engaging or touching back) it is time to stop completely and talk about each other's desires and limits.
  • Continued requests or verbal pressure for sexual activity can be coercive and/or intimidating and may invalidate consent.

"Without consent" includes any of the following:

  • The person is coerced by the immediate use or threatened use of force against a person or property.
  • The person is incapable of consent by reason of mental disorder, drugs, alcohol, sleep or any other similar impairment of cognition.
  • The person is intentionally deceived as to the nature of the act.
  • The person is intentionally deceived to erroneously believe the perpetrator is the victim's spouse/partner.